Leaving for NY

So I am going to be leaving for New York on Sunday... and I am not allowed to use my phone the whole time...

So I would have liked to been able to talk to you before I leave... I understand that you made plans to watch tv with Chelsea... and play video games with Rhead...

But when have you made plans to spend anytime with me? o do I not get that time... Why do you not like me enough to want to spend time with me or talk to me....

Video games can be played tomorrow... tv can be watched tomorrow... but I wont be here tomorrow...

I still have this overwhelming feeling that I am not important to you... and I am trying to be understanding and not interrupt your time... but it hurts so much...  and you just are never going to get it... You feel guilty because you know you are not doing the right thing... and it hurts me....

I can't do it anymore...

Cliff Diving!!!

So yesterday I totally went cliff diving and jumped off huge rocks into really cold deep water.... I am awesome!!! :D and have the coooooolest job ever!!!!!!!!!!!

Home for the Weekend

Last night it rained in the mountains and I live right at the base of the forest so when it stopped raining last night the lightning bugs LIGHT UP the forest. It looked like a million little lights through out the trees... It was the most beautiful natural thing I have ever seen. Words cannot even begin to describe it. The trees looked like they were full of static or being electrocuted. *sigh* simply amazing!

Imagine this but an entire mountain side with a midnight black sky. And the lights twinkling. 

And this morning I got up and headed home for Fathers Day. I love love love love driving. I want to go on a road trip soooo bad!

First Youth Night Led By ME!!!!

Tonight was my first night to share what I have learned throughout my three years of college.

I had my first lesson to lead for the youth! It was great! I think they responded well and really thought about what I was trying to teach.

I do know that they hated my games!!! LOL oh it was sooo bad! Games that have always been a hit with other youth groups... oh totally bombed!


But it was a great night :)

Why?

Why do I do this to myself and when am I going to learn to be strong enough to know I deserve better then the things I allow myself to put up with and act on that knowledge.

Reconnecting with God

So in the past few days I have been in some deep conversation with God.... which hasn't happened in a long time and I think my head is slowly starting to clear up and I was fighting something quite a bit...

I just can't fight it anymore... There are somethings that I just can't ignore any more.

I still have a lot of learning and growing about myself and I know that I need someone that is going to grow spiritually as well and support me and challenge me in my faith. As well as wanting me to do the same for that person. I want to be able to have God fully present in my life and no relationship is going to work for me anymore if God is not fully present with in the relationship either.

I have a lot of weaknesses and I have a long way to go to get to my goals but I am starting to find some sort of inner self happiness again. And it feels so wonderful :)

I have also been working out and trying to eat right. I am super sore but it is starting to feel good :)

Lastest Readings

So I have been reading The 5 Love Languages and Boundaries in Dating... They are spiritually based books on relationships and self improvement... They are good so far.. every eye opening...